Something To Reduce Your Stress

10 Commandment of Marriage

Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Bonus Commandment ( Story )
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,......."It really works!"SMILE, IT'S TAX FREE!

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A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking."Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak .

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

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LAPD and the rabbit

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The FBI goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Tuesday, August 5, 2008